Godzilla 2000... Godzilla vs. the ...Um... Downloading Rock?

Godzilla 2000 (Gojira ni-sen mireniamu):7 out of 10: Promoted with a kick ass trailer (which was infinitely better than the film itself) Godzilla 2000 roared into theaters a few years back on a mission to erase the memory of "that American Godzilla". For many of us it would be the first time seeing a Japanese Godzilla on the big screen. (I may have seen Godzilla 1985 in the theater but my memory is a bit fuzzy). Turns out while there is something charming about watching a Godzilla film in your pajamas every Saturday morning during Million Dollar Movie on Channel 9, a lot of that love disappears when you plopped down seven-fifty. (It also helped, needless to say, that when I watched Godzilla movies every Saturday morning it was 1978 and I was ten.)

The movie starts out strong enough with a couple of brilliant scenes that ape both Twister and Jurassic Park. You got to love them Godzilla tornado chasers and when the big guy himself blocks a tunnel and breathes on the windshield it is the pinnacle of Godzilla film-making.

It of course is all downhill from there. For one thing Godzilla himself pretty much disappears from the movie. He is replaced by a pet rock. Yes a completely inanimate object. Needless to say the fidget factor is high. Add in subplots you couldn't care less about and characters more irritating than anything else and you would be excused for reaching for the fast forward button. (Much easier at home than in the theater)

Godzilla reappears and the rock, which has planted itself on top of a building and is apparently downloading all the contents of Tokyo's computers, shows its true colors as an alien that resembles of all things "that American Godzilla". Godzilla certainly doesn't stand by and lets some illegal alien destroy Tokyo. No way is some foreign union busting scab going to muscle in on big greens action. Destroying Tokyo is Godzilla's personal gig.

The effects are actually pretty good (with the exception of the underwater scenes) and the dubbing is particularly bad (even for a Godzilla film. It is also strangely profanity laden especially considering Godzilla himself doesn't kill anyone on screen.) The last scene however is a true "What the Fuck" moment with one of the silliest lines ever uttered on film. It made me feel ten years old all over again.

Godzilla 2000 Beardmore 120 hp
Kick Ass Movie Poster

Godzilla 2000 Bermo Block
Godzilla with nice close up (and rare appearance) in his own film.

Godzilla 2000 Heiligenhoven Castle
CGI Squid named Millennian...Yes feel free to groan now.

Godzilla 2000 Henrik Ipsen
I don't know about you but I am checking out their ties.

Godzilla 2000 Paradise Independent School District
Yes it is the Godzilla seeking minivan. Why does it have spotlights on top? I mean this is Godzilla not a deer.

Godzilla 2000 Paulino Lopes Tavares
This is Orga not some Toxic Avenger version of the American Godzilla... really.

Godzilla 2000 River Went
Left to right Yuji Shinoda of the Godzilla Prediction Network, Mayu Suzuki as his daughter who is inexplicably along for the ride and Naomi Nishida as love interest/eye candy/intrepid reporter.

Godzilla 2000 Terfenol-D
No really not the American Godzilla.... Orga.

Godzilla 2000 William Ehrlich
Is that Matthew Broderick in the lower left hand corner?

Godzilla 2000 WRLM
"I'm telling you Joe he started out slow but that Godzilla is on fire"

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